Why Austin?

Kim Jong-Un attempts to keep Austin scared

Why Austin?

International tensions again flared this morning as a North Korean daily released photos of Kim Jong-Un planning a strike of several U.S. targets. Along with Hawaii and D.C., Jong-Un seems to have a beef with Austin. In a town known for its laid-back attitude, many are wondering why he holds Austin in such Il regard.

As folks who are somewhat familiar with Austin, we at the Chronicle have some ideas.

• Lost the lottery to see Prince during SXSW

• Was tired of hipsters stealing his haircut

• Felt inadequate when he last visited Hippie Hollow

• Thought that Matthew McConaughey played too many games with J-Lo in the Wedding Planner

• Was kicked out of the Alamo Drafthouse for texting "ROFLMAO" to Bashar al-Assad

• Was grumpy after waiting two hours at Franklin Barbecue

• Decided "Don't Mess with Texas" was a personal challenge

• Was frustrated that he was the only one who didn't get Tree of Life

• Was once laughed at when he brought his ten-speed instead of a fixed gear to the social ride

Dennis Rodman told him that he had always been jealous of Leslie

• Once asked Molly Ivins out on a date. She was not impressed.

• Didn't find our town's Korean tacos to be "authentic"

• Was pissed off that Barton Springs Pool is always closed when he visits

I guess it's going to be a much hotter summer than we thought. It was nice knowing you Austin!

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