Dear Obama, If Texas Secedes, Can We Stay With You?

New petition asks White House to make Austin 50th state

Our post-secession flag? If Texas doesn't want to be a state, we'll take their star on the flag.
Our post-secession flag? If Texas doesn't want to be a state, we'll take their star on the flag.

So the interwebs have been abuzz with the crazy Texas secession petition, whereby forces who never accepted the end result of the Civil War have asked President Obama to let Texas exit the Union. Now there's a counter-petition: If Texas is allowed to secede, Austinites are asking that they be allowed to stay part of the USA.

In the petition, currently open for signatures at www.petitions.whitehouse.gov, the authors ask the administration to allow "the city of Austin, Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas and remain part of the United States."

From the petition:

Austin Texas continues to suffer difficulties stemming from the lack of civil, religious, and political freedoms imposed upon the city by less liberally minded Texans. It is entirely feasible for Austin to operate as its own state, within the United States, in the event that Texas is successful in the current bid to secede. It is important for Austin to remain in the union as to do so would protect its citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers.

We would also like to annex Dublin Texas, Lockhart Texas, & Shiner Texas.

This comes as other petitioners, equally sick of the secessionist nonsense, have asked Obama to deport everyone that signed a petition to withdraw their state from the United States of America or strip the citizenship from everyone who signed a petition to secede and exile them. By comparison, establishing Austin as a sort of free city in the middle of an Confederate Texas seems kind of awesome.

C'mon, people, we can do this! It only takes 25,000 signatures and we have to get a formal response from the White House. Call all your friends! We know the rest of the US wants to keep us! And what would happen to the a-HEM Texas economic miracle without Austin keeping if afloat? Plus, last time Henry Rollins came through town, he promised us Berlin Airlift-style supplies of porn and Stooges albums.

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

Secession, White House, Barack Obama, Civil War, Republic of Austin

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