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The AggreGAYtor: January 22

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

By Brandon Watson, 2:15PM, Tue. Jan. 22, 2013

Since moving to the Overlook Hotel, Karl Lagerfeld's designs have taken a new direction
Since moving to the Overlook Hotel, Karl Lagerfeld's designs have taken a new direction
photo by chanel.com

Frank Bruni bores his way to glory, Karl Lagerfeld embroiders the argument, and President Obama gives a legendary acceptance speech. Today’s AggreGAYtor wants to thank all the little people.

• In his inauguration speech, President Obama took a moment to name check Stonewall before ripping out his headpiece and belting out the closing bars of “The Star Spangled Banner.” He sounds a bit like Beyoncé.

• While I am aware that it is increasingly difficult to find angles to major news stories; I question if President Obama and Vice President Biden waving to the Lesbian and Gay Band Association really merits an article. Can we expect an National Review think piece about Obama excusing himself to go to the restroom? Or perhaps The Atlantic weighing in on the time John Boehner told Michelle Obama a fart joke?

• Oh yeah. We already live in that future.

• Trying to stifle his emotions in a box of Confetti Cupcake Pop-Tarts, Louis Giglio couldn’t help comparing himself to Luis Leon.

• The TSA has returned all scanners that show anatomical detail. The agency will henceforth be renamed to simply S.

James Cyrus Gilbert is suing the state of Georgia for rejecting his “GAYGUY” vanity license plate idea. Oddly, they did approve “FELCHR.”

Anne Marie Schubert, the lesbian sister of Prop 8 gastric-brooding frog Frank Schubert, is running for Sacramento County District Attorney.

• A bill to put marriage equality up for public vote in New Mexico is in committee. Governor Susana Martinez, now sporting an asymmetrical shroom haircut, has yet to comment.

• Portugal has passed a law forbidding transgender discrimination, mostly to keep Spain from feeling so damn superior.

• Blighty police have been accused of taking an illegal DNA sample from a gay man. This is obviously phase one of an evil cloning plan that will lead to an previously unimaginable dystopia.

• As confirmed in a series of chilling photographs, the clones are already being used to entertain frowsy straight couples escaping the malaise of Davenport, Iowa. Even Aldous Huxley could not have anticipated that horror.

Jazz Jennings is flawless. I hear her hair's insured for $10,000. I hear she does car commercials… in Japan. Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time she met John Stamos on a plane … and he told her she was pretty. One time she punched me in the face … it was awesome.

• Nashville club Rocketown, Michael W. Smith’s temple to Eighties hair-metal also-rans Stryper, has fired one of its employees for wearing a T-shirt in support of marriage equality.

• The nominees for this year’s GLAAD Media Awards include a TV series that features simpering gay male stereotypes, a movie that features yellow face, and Frank Bruni – a man whose columns have no defining feature at all.

Karl Lagerfeld, Chanel’s professor of the dark arts, invites French marriage equality naysayers to come play with him forever.

• Somehow your AggreGAYtor never heard the news that Facts of Life actress Geri Jewell IDs as lesbian. In retrospect, my childhood was kind of awesome.

• Also in the awesome category is Baylor senior Susan Duty, who is spearheading an attempt to add LGBT protections to Waco’s city charter.

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