https://www.austinchronicle.com/daily/qmmunity/2013-01-11/the-aggregaytor-january-11/

The AggreGAYtor: January 11

By Brandon Watson, January 11, 2013, 2:30pm, Qmmunity

Louie Giglio says goodbye to the inauguration, Britney Spears says toodle-loo to the X Factor, and Rick Santorum bids his relevancy farewell. Today’s AggreGAYtor is such sweet sorrow.

• Now that pastor Louie Giglio has withdrawn from Bommer’s inauguration, the invocation is set to be read in unison by the cast of Cirque du Soleil: Quidam. Seems gimmicky.

• A new survey says that the majority of Americans do not believe that homosexuality is a sin, which is really messing with my sense of self.

• The Lord told Noah there's gonna be a floody, floody,
The Lord said homos they’re getting too damn buddy, buddy.
Get those animals out of the muddy, muddy,
Children of the Lord.

• Once my imaginary marriage to President Obama is annulled for lack of imaginary consummation (he always said he was tired), I am going to begin an imaginary affair with Newark Mayor Cory Booker. We’ll make butternut squash ravioli and watch Dance Moms.

• We can invite Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed over for our annual Oscar party, but he’ll have to be careful about his choice of footwear.

• It’s OK Kenneth Burr. Fire five rounds into a car loaded with trans women. Water under an unjust bridge.

• What is it about vandals and male genitals? Closer to home, my truck was vandalized in Waco over the holidays with a rather large, albeit Modigliani-esque penis. Shouldn’t all these red-blooded dudes be concerning themselves with vaginas?

• The Stingray Café: for the condescending, holy-roller, homophobic sea food lover in you.

• A petition is going around to ask StumbleUpon (you know, the little icon at the bottom of this page that no one ever uses) to stop labeling LGBTQ content as NSFW.

• Rick Santorum is trying to stop Chuck Hagel from taking root in the Obama White house. Think of him as the lambskin condom of the religious right.

• Oh, Maggie Gallagher! Yes, there are gays who aren’t chummy with marriage equality. But you’re still not going to become the Ina Garten of the “Gay Shame” set.

• Keith Muhakanizi, Uganda’s Deputy Secretary to the Treasury, says the “kill the gays” bill is not so good for business.

• In a historic victory, Serbia’s high court rules for the plaintiff in a gay workplace discrimination case.

• I know I say a lot of things in the AggreGAYtor that should be taken with a grain of salt (and a healthy sprinkle of ghost pepper powder for sizzle,) but I swear to Judy Garland this one is true: In the U.S., at this very moment, there is a heterosexual man knowingly married to a lesbian woman. I know, I was just as incredulous, but apparently pigs fly, like, constantly.

• Celebrity cheeto Britney Spears is ending her stint on X Factor.

• OhEmGee, it’s time to relive the aughts. Fire up the Friendster and sling those boot-cuts low. First the Yeah Yeah Yeahs announced a new CD, then JT said he is working with Timbaland on some new tracks, and now Destiny’s Child is going to reunite for the Super Bowl. Lonelygirl15 and I are hella excited.

• Maybe at the next AP Conference, journalists can huddle together and decide to stop gaycationing once and for all. For real, guys, we are not a cabinet of natural curiosities.

• Back before he was the “nonthreatening one” in NSYNC, Lance Bass was a big bully. You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie.

• Wade Davis says the NFL already has out players, but selectively out. Let’s just say they are still in the chifferobe.

• Although the spokesperson for Elton John and David Furnish has denied reports that the couple have adopted a second kid, the jarringly lifelike Manneken Pis in the John-Furnish garden seems a little suspicious.

• Hopefully, however, the little bundle of joy that Rosie O’Donnell and Michelle Rounds keep posing with is really their daughter Dakota. Rosie can be a little unhinged at times.

• Steve-O gets out a sharpie, rips a little duct tape, and voilà, becomes this generation’s Bayard Rustin.

• A gay couple in Plano were allegedly asked to leave an area Main Event after being told they were “not family.”

• Former Make-a-Wish CEO Tammy Shaklee has started a new offline gay male dating service in Austin called He’s 4 Me. It’s sorta like It’s Just Lunch, but you know, brunchier.