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The AggreGAYtor: January 11

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

By Brandon Watson, 2:30PM, Fri. Jan. 11, 2013

Destiny's Child flies over the Castro District
Destiny's Child flies over the Castro District
photo by out.com

Louie Giglio says goodbye to the inauguration, Britney Spears says toodle-loo to the X Factor, and Rick Santorum bids his relevancy farewell. Today’s AggreGAYtor is such sweet sorrow.

• Now that pastor Louie Giglio has withdrawn from Bommer’s inauguration, the invocation is set to be read in unison by the cast of Cirque du Soleil: Quidam. Seems gimmicky.

• A new survey says that the majority of Americans do not believe that homosexuality is a sin, which is really messing with my sense of self.

• The Lord told Noah there's gonna be a floody, floody,
The Lord said homos they’re getting too damn buddy, buddy.
Get those animals out of the muddy, muddy,
Children of the Lord.

• Once my imaginary marriage to President Obama is annulled for lack of imaginary consummation (he always said he was tired), I am going to begin an imaginary affair with Newark Mayor Cory Booker. We’ll make butternut squash ravioli and watch Dance Moms.

• We can invite Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed over for our annual Oscar party, but he’ll have to be careful about his choice of footwear.

• It’s OK Kenneth Burr. Fire five rounds into a car loaded with trans women. Water under an unjust bridge.

• What is it about vandals and male genitals? Closer to home, my truck was vandalized in Waco over the holidays with a rather large, albeit Modigliani-esque penis. Shouldn’t all these red-blooded dudes be concerning themselves with vaginas?

The Stingray Café: for the condescending, holy-roller, homophobic sea food lover in you.

• A petition is going around to ask StumbleUpon (you know, the little icon at the bottom of this page that no one ever uses) to stop labeling LGBTQ content as NSFW.

Rick Santorum is trying to stop Chuck Hagel from taking root in the Obama White house. Think of him as the lambskin condom of the religious right.

• Oh, Maggie Gallagher! Yes, there are gays who aren’t chummy with marriage equality. But you’re still not going to become the Ina Garten of the “Gay Shame” set.

Keith Muhakanizi, Uganda’s Deputy Secretary to the Treasury, says the “kill the gays” bill is not so good for business.

• In a historic victory, Serbia’s high court rules for the plaintiff in a gay workplace discrimination case.

• I know I say a lot of things in the AggreGAYtor that should be taken with a grain of salt (and a healthy sprinkle of ghost pepper powder for sizzle,) but I swear to Judy Garland this one is true: In the U.S., at this very moment, there is a heterosexual man knowingly married to a lesbian woman. I know, I was just as incredulous, but apparently pigs fly, like, constantly.

• Celebrity cheeto Britney Spears is ending her stint on X Factor.

• OhEmGee, it’s time to relive the aughts. Fire up the Friendster and sling those boot-cuts low. First the Yeah Yeah Yeahs announced a new CD, then JT said he is working with Timbaland on some new tracks, and now Destiny’s Child is going to reunite for the Super Bowl. Lonelygirl15 and I are hella excited.

• Maybe at the next AP Conference, journalists can huddle together and decide to stop gaycationing once and for all. For real, guys, we are not a cabinet of natural curiosities.

• Back before he was the “nonthreatening one” in NSYNC, Lance Bass was a big bully. You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie.

Wade Davis says the NFL already has out players, but selectively out. Let’s just say they are still in the chifferobe.

• Although the spokesperson for Elton John and David Furnish has denied reports that the couple have adopted a second kid, the jarringly lifelike Manneken Pis in the John-Furnish garden seems a little suspicious.

• Hopefully, however, the little bundle of joy that Rosie O’Donnell and Michelle Rounds keep posing with is really their daughter Dakota. Rosie can be a little unhinged at times.

Steve-O gets out a sharpie, rips a little duct tape, and voilà, becomes this generation’s Bayard Rustin.

• A gay couple in Plano were allegedly asked to leave an area Main Event after being told they were “not family.”

• Former Make-a-Wish CEO Tammy Shaklee has started a new offline gay male dating service in Austin called He’s 4 Me. It’s sorta like It’s Just Lunch, but you know, brunchier.

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