https://www.austinchronicle.com/daily/qmmunity/2013-01-03/the-aggregaytor-january-3/

The AggreGAYtor: January 3

By Brandon Watson, January 3, 2013, 11:37am, Qmmunity

Jerry Brown increases his ability scores, Ke$ha thinks it’s pretty obvious that you’ve got a crush, and F. Scott Fitzgerald picks a daisy. There is no confusion like the confusion of today’s AggreGAYtor.

• The Illuminati-like shadow organization known as Bank of America has settled an anti-gay discrimination complaint with the US Department of Housing and Urban Development.

• In the current age of congressional obstructionism and hyper partisanship, it is refreshing that Rhode Island is taking up a marriage equality bill today. Just yesterday, House Speaker Gordon Fox said the bill would be heard before the end of the month. Sandbagger.

• Minnesota State Senator Scott Dibble is promising that marriage equality will be on the slate before the end of the year. Manufacturers of rainbow bunting better step up their game. Marcus Bachmann is about to be set free.

• Meanwhile, the Illinois vote has been delayed due to a technicality. Since I only scanned this article, I am just going to say that the technicality is an obscure heartland law that requires a Medieval Times style jousting tournament to take place before any vote on marriage. Cue the heralds! It’s show time!

• Of course any good romp through the Middle Ages requires a Chaucerian cardinal.

• Meanwhile, Illinois State GOP Party Chairman Pat Brady is proving himself an unlikely knight by urging Republicans to vote for the marriage equality measure.

• California Governor Jerry Brown has filed an appeal to the injunction stopping the ban on youth conversion therapy from going into affect. This saga is starting to feel like a drawn out Dungeons and Dragons game led by the world’s most inept Dungeon Master.

• San Diego County is considering more stringent guidelines for treatment of transgender inmates after a slate of alleged human rights violations.

• For those playing the home version of the AggreGAYtor, transgender ex-Rhode Island rep Stacie Laughton is not eligible to run in the special election for the seat she resigned due to revelations about her criminal past.

• Atlanta Police are investigating if a NYE stabbing was in reaction to anti-gay harassment.

• A lesbian couple birth the very first French bébé of 2013, immediately burst into a rousing chorus of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables. I admit that my knowledge of France is mostly from musicals.

• An Israeli teen lesbian has reported that she was stoned by an ultra-Orthodox group of yeshiva students.

• Ugandan religious leaders are spending the New Year sipping hair-of-the-dog cocktails at brunch, watching the Rose Bowl parade, and calling for further oppression of LGBT individuals. No black-eyed peas for you Ugandan religious leaders.

• In slightly less disheartening news, Uganda has dropped the case against David Cecil, the playwright arrested for producing a play bringing the Ugandan LGBT plight to light.

• Lest you think that Ugandan holy rollers are the only assholes on the world stage, British Archbishop Vincent Nichols is ending gay-friendly masses in Soho.

• Androgynous beauty Andrej Pejic has landed his first Elle cover. Serbian Elle, but still Elle. That's something? Right?

• Dental hygiene challenged pop singer Ke$ha doesn’t just like men, you guys. She just loves people. And glitter and fishnets and Claires and eyeshadowlipsmackcolorblast. Bullying? No, Ke$ha does not like that.

• Here’s the Atlantic discovering that some women enjoy graphic novels depicting gay male romance. Next they’ll discover that some women like gay male porn. They are hot on our trails, folks.

• And here’s F. Scott Fitzgerald in drag. He obviously stole his entire look from the AggreGAYtor’s own drag persona Fagatha Christie. Shady, Scotty, shay-dee.

• ESPN runs footage of pro bowler Scott Norton smooching his hubbie, declines to be adolescent jerks.

• Yippee! Texas is among HuffPo’s nine states least likely to allow homonuptials.

• A Houston lesbian couple has been found dead in an apparent murder suicide.