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The AggreGAYtor: December 12

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

By Brandon Watson, 11:45AM, Wed. Dec. 12, 2012

Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on - 'cause tonight is the night when five become one
Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on - 'cause tonight is the night when five become one
photo by queerty.com

Ban-Ki Moon is outraged, Susan Rice isn’t having it, and Cyndi Lauper says no ma’am. Today’s AggreGAYtor ain’t just a river in Egypt.

• The British government will introduce marriage equality legislation next year.

• … which is good news, unless you planned on having a wedding in the perfect black and white church where everyone dresses like the Ascot scene in My Fair Lady and the Vicar of Dibley officiates.

• Speaking of marriage equality, Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed pulls an Obama.

Ban-Ki Moon, the Secretary-General of the United Nations, performs a dis rap about countries that criminalize homosexuality. Although one would not make the mistake of saying he has “mad flow,” he is still a significantly better MC than Chet Haze

• Embattled UN Ambassador Susan Rice is also not down with LGBT oppression.

• St. Augustine passes an ordinance forbidding LGBT discrimination. Here is where I will admit that I have no idea whether St. Augustine is in Florida or Narnia, nor do I have any compunction about not looking it up. But kudos St. Augustine, welcome to the right side of history.

• Orange County schools (which I’m pretty sure is in Florida) passes its own non-discrimination policy. Stick that up your tropicana Anita Bryant.

• Meanwhile, like a cautious swimmer sticking their toe into Lake Minnetonka on the first warm spring day, Nebraska lawmakers are looking into the idea of equality.

• New Jersey Assemblyman Reed Gusciora has introduced a bill that would bring marriage equality to the ballot.

• The Supreme Court has picked an additional lawyer to argue that it really doesn’t matter what the SCOTUS thinks about DOMA.

• The University of Iowa has added optional boxes on its application asking students to report their sexual orientation and gender identity.

• The Fort Bragg Association of Officer’s Spouses, an avant-garde dance troupe dedicated to destroying the ideas of Merce Cunningham, has rejected a lesbian mother’s application for membership.

• Although the nation of Queerlandia does not recognize GQ as a governing body, we will let its decision to bestow honorary gay status on NFL super friends Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo stand.

• Elsewhere in the wide world of sports, ESPN Radio has suspended Steve Czaban and Andy Pollin for publicly attacking transgender basketball player (and class act) Gabrielle Ludwig.

, the holy rolling student booted from the Eastern Michigan University for refusing to counsel (whisper voice) homosexuals, has settled her lawsuit for $75K. Congratulations Julea, you have permanently damned your future popularity to be somewhere between Speidi and Jar Jar Binks.

Vitaly Milonov, a regional brand of aftershave that smells oddly of pickled radish, is pursuing legal action against cult leader Lady Gaga for saying nice things about gays.

Sir Ian McKellen admits he has had “contained” prostate cancer for years. Luckily if it does get worse, he can just disappear for a while and then come back riding a white stallion and with a nifty Puff Daddy inspired wardrobe. Then he’ll help us defeat the hordes of darkness and we will be BFFs forever.

• No offense to the author of the timeless bon mot “you're a Mata Hari; I wanna know your story,” but the AggreGAYtor is o-ver a handful of celebrities being endlessly lauded for their tireless work on behalf of the LGBT community.

• The above statement, however, does not apply to Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi Lauper is kittens and puppies and rainbows and sprinkly cupcakes made from fluffy clouds and unicorn kisses.

• The Spice Girls briefly reunite for the premiere of Jennifer Saunders’ girl powered musical Viva Forever. Posh was, of course, late.

Opening arguments began yesterday in the Austin trial of Jose Alfonso Aviles, the man accused of killing his daughter’s girlfriend Norma Hurtado and her mother Maria.

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