The AggreGAYtor: December 11
Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news
By Brandon Watson, 2:00PM, Tue. Dec. 11, 2012
Glenn Beck has a moment of clarity, Charlie Rogers gives up, and Antonin Scalia puts on his sassy pants. Today’s AggreGAYtor, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.
• Although we have certain flair with jingle bells, own several myrrh scented Dipthyque candles, and practically invented tinsel, televised muckworm Bill O’Reilly still is not offering a room at his inn.
• Morehouse College has introduced an LGBT course, the first of its kind at an HCBU.
• The chancellor at Patrick Henry College is appalled that a pro-LGBT blog is using the name “queerphc.” The whole to-do seems like a huge ego trip. Queerphc could stand for lots of things. People Hating Children. Popples Having Coitous. Plutarchs Hording Candy. It could just be a big PHuC you.
• A group promoting “heterosexual awareness month” is now offering printable certificates for its members to assert their straight bona fides. Pro tip: the certificates are a little more convincing when presented before strapping into the swing.
• The man accused of vandalizing several churches in Buffalo with anti-gay posters has been ruled mentally incompetent to stand trial.
• The Merck Foundation is ending donations to the Boy Scouts due to LGBT exclusion.
• Perhaps to free some time up for their ambitious project to remove all references of rainbows from The Wizard of Oz, One Million Moms have decided to back away from the most recent JCP skirmish.
• ESPN radio “personalities” Steve Czaban and Andy Pollin, who last entered the national spotlight for making up gay rumors about Hulk Hogan, are now making asses of themselves by trashing transgender community college basketball player Gabrielle Ludwig.
• Antonin Scalia, an over baked éclair accidentally filled with Poligrip, thinks his anti-gay legal writings are A-OK.
• Big congratulations to homos, who have now passed religious folk as the second most targeted hate crime demographic. Champagne anyone?
• Speaking of hate crimes Charlie Rogers pleads no contest to charges she faked hers.
• Lesbian Eloise Klein Healy has been named Los Angeles’ first poet laureate. Although her poetry has much loftier concerns, the AggreGAYtor would like her to at least write one verse about “The L Word.”
• Despite normally having all the accuracy of a marshmallow arrow, Glenn Beck does have marriage equality right.
• UC Berkeley is considering banning the Salvation Army from soliciting donations on campus for anti-gay stance.
• Ukrainian anti-gay activists try to disrupt LGBT rights protest by gassing crowd.
• A teacher in Mexico has been canned for showing Milk to her students. I know there are quite a few people who try to avoid dairy, but you wouldn’t think it would be so controversial.
• The tricot fetishists at American Apparel are giving away “Legalize Gay” tees in support of French marriage equality in what could be seen as altruistic flim-flam given creep-in-chief Dov Charney’s frequent highly-publicized legal woes.
• From her hydrangea-free fortress high in the Himalayan mountains, Madonna is celebrating the defeat of Lady Gaga.
• I know soaps generally trade in stereotype, but does the new gay nursing student at “General Hospital” have to carry lipstick?
• Lilly Galachi of “Shahs of Sunset” fame regrets that she thinks AIDS is a real humdinger.
• Anti-gay group Texas Values is jumping into the Pflugerville ISD same-sex benefits fight.
• Voting is open for the Austin Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce Awards. Among the nominees are The Austin Chronicle and GP’s own Kate Messer, the M'Lynn to our Shelby.
VIDEO BONUS: Yoko Ono is even brighter than the moon, moon, moon. (And yes, I know this is fake; but in my heart it is so, so real.)