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The AggreGAYtor: November 6

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

By Brandon Watson, 1:15PM, Tue. Nov. 6, 2012

Dan Patrick does a fierce illusion of Kay Bailey Hutchison.
Dan Patrick does a fierce illusion of Kay Bailey Hutchison.
photo by dallasvoice.com

Britney Spears uses her words, Ian McKellen fights Sauron, and Andrew Cuomo brews up a storm. Today’s AggreGAYtor went to town, riding on a pony.

• One wonders why Maine state rep David Johnson didn’t just hook a battery to his recently deceased gay brother and have him read off lines at a Chuck E. Cheese. That would have been only slightly less tacky than using him and his widower to tout marriage inequality.

• Support for marriage equality is waning in France. Who would have thunk that Marine Le Pen would become ours gris de maman to the pomme frites set. Can a Thé Party be far behind?

• Malawi's President Joyce Banda has put the brakes on all anti-gay laws pending a parliamentary debate.

• Now that “slumming it” has become déclassé, the hottest trend in tourism is the lezcation.

• The Nevada Supreme Court is set to hear lesbian co-parenting case that seems very complicated, but probably just because I stayed up late watching Drag Race All Stars. In depth analysis of today’s news: every weekday in the AggreGAYtor.

Gandalf takes New Zealand Prime Minister John Key to task for recent homophobic statements.

• Equality foes are tickled pink that the American College of Pediatricians gave a ringing endorsement to Minnesota’s gay marriage ban. Well maybe not tickled pink. How do homophobes get tickled? Raw sienna? Burnt umber?

• Another day, another blistering exposé of the LGBTQIA conspiracy to change global weather patterns. In this edition, Maryland pastor Luke Robinson blames Sandy on Michael Bloomberg’s support of marriage equality.

• Lucky, us thermodynamic queers have some allies willing to participate in the cover-up. Andrew Cuomo is totes our Oliver North.

• It’s almost certain that tonight’s results will expand queer choices for destination weddings.

• Marriage equality in Colorado likely hinges on the outcomes of state Senate and House races.

• Columbia Heights man attacked in possible anti-gay, anti-Hispanic hate crime.

Tammy Baldwin is set to become nation’s first out senator.

• With anti-gay sentiment rising to a fever pitch in neighboring Serbia, it is nice to see Croatia chastising former football federation head Vlatko Markovic for saying gays would never be allowed to join the national team.

Britney Spears is writing a novel. Early reports indicate that the book is shaping up to be an existential meditation involving large sea mammals. Call her Britney, ya’ll.

Heather Matarazzo calls off wedding plans. A person who once delivered Kung Pao Tofu to Heather’s hotel says she and girlfriend Carolyn Murphy “were missing the spark.”

• Log Cabin Republican’s R. Clarke Cooper and National Organization for Marriage’s Brian Brown should be locked in a room until they decide who gets to wear Mittikins pin once and for all. Decide it with Jenga boys! You can’t be Betty and Veronica forever.

• Oh goodie! Transphobic POS “True the Vote” is based in Texas. All the f’ing live long day!

• Hastily carved apple Dan Patrick wants Greg Abbott to declare Dallas County’s new same-sex benefits unconstitutional.

• Predictably, rumors have been flying about Danny boy’s sexuality for years.

• The AggreGAYtor knows voting in Texas can feel like screaming into the dark chasm of Rush Limbaugh’s soul, but do it anyway. If you don’t cast your ballot, homophobic frat-boy furries will take over America. And there are two, count ‘em, election watching parties around town just for us acronyms. Werq the vote booth, hunny.

AGGREGAYTOR ELECTION SPECIAL: Your yankee doodle AggreGAYtor will be making political puns all night starting at 6:00. Stay tuned to the same gay channel, same Gay Place.

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