The AggreGAYtor: November 1

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

This t-shirt threatens Ohio’s Celina High School
This t-shirt threatens Ohio’s Celina High School
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Brad Pitt is finally noticed, Mike Huckabee fires up his brimstone, and Ian Thorpe makes some clarifications. Today’s AggreGAYtor is partially hydrogenated.

• Recent polling shows support for marriage equality in Maryland waning, especially among African-American voters.

• The Florida Department of Children & Families refuses to look into harassment claims of gay foster child.

• Ohio’s Celina High School disciplines students for wearing allied rainbow shirts. Among those suspended were class president and yearbook illustrator Lisa Frank.

• GOP operatives, whose level of sophistication is somewhere below the Doritos Loco Taco, try to link congressman David Cicilline to child molesters.

• Maybe they’ll have more luck with their initiative to hire thirteen year-old mean girls to text burns about President Obama.

• Actor Brad Pitt, best known as the “guy at beach with drink” from 1987’s zeitgeist-capturing masterpiece Hunk squirrels away enough money to make a $100K donation to the HRC. Who knew acting could be so lucrative?

Of course campaign tabloid “MittZine” has all the deets on the Jolie-Pitt/ Pitt-Voight marriage equality “family feud,” but the AggreGAYtor wants to know who made Page 6.

• Uganda’s Speaker of Parliament Rebecca Kadaga promises to bring back the infamous “kill the gays” bill.

Mike Huckabee, a lazily carved Halloween pumpkin left to rot on a New Mexico porch, says a vote for equality and reproductive rights is a vote for eternal damnation.

• Huckles must really rack up the frequent flyer miles. A few hours later, he was spotted in Minnesota greeting trick-or-treaters. The kids who asked for Skittles were immediately whisked away to have a “conversation” with Marcus Bachmann, who was dressed as Patti LaBelle for some reason.

• Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe insists that we are all mistaking “nerd” for “gay.”

• Two suspects have been arrested for the murder of gay teen Terrance Wright.

• Although Gaypublican Richard Tisei’s politics are wascally, he does know how to make a commercial.

• For those unfortunate souls interested in the salacious details of Joe Simpson’s alleged sausage parties, here’s your ipecac.

Kyle Wood, the loveable scamp who faked a hate crime to help his bosses Chad Lee’s candidacy against gay Assemblyman Mark Pocan has been fired. Womp waaaa.

• Although Rabbi Noson Leiter is right that the gayz did cause Hurricane Sandy, I think he isn’t giving us enough credit for how difficult it was for us to create the storm. First, we had to beg Elton John to let us use his private island. Then we had to run around in circles for days with only coconuts and pita crisps to keep us going. There wasn’t even any hummus! And Elton would not shut up about Madonna.

• New poll proclaims majority support for legal recognition of gay relationships in Texas.

The Dallas Voice is fighting the Dallas City Attorney’s Office for access to discrimination claims.

• GetEQUAL activist C.d. Kirven offers Dallas County Commissioner Maurine Dickey sensitivity training after the latter misidentified her as a man.

PS: VOTEVOTEVOTEVOTEVOTEVOTE. Tomorrow is your last chance to early vote before election day. The stakes couldn't be higher.

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