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Andy's Tops & Bottoms

Sometimes you win, sometimes you nay

By Andy Campbell, 10:10AM, Thu. Jan. 5, 2012

We all know one. Or 12.
We all know one. Or 12.
photo by lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com

Dandy Unicorn, ze whinnies like the wind. Sometimes hir whinnies sound like cries of unadulterated pleasure ("Wins") and sometimes they sound like paincries ("Nays"). But Dandy isn't the only one who can Win-nay, I can too. And these are the sweet, dark win-nays I whispered into Dandy's earholes this year.

Here are my Top Eleven "WIN-NAY"s.

Grody.

TOP ELEVEN WINS

1) DADT REPEALED B'duh. Now that we can "tell" we expect more juicy memoirs. I'll take "Things we did in a trench" for 500, Alex.

2) "GAY RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS" or so says Secretary of State Hilary Clinton and the UN. We, and they, may be late to the party, but we're still ragin'.

3) THE DAN SAVAGE NEXUS starting the "It Gets Better" project was inspiring enough, but to add to the Savage-goodery, the anal chicken-hawks came home to roost when Savage's years long campaign to define former Penn. Senator and current Prez hopeful Rick Santorum's last name as something even Emily Post wouldn't write about without vomiting twelve times over was truly inspirational during this primary season. Activism comes in many forms, and Savage stuck the landing.

4) ROBYN EXPLODES well, not really, but have you been to a sweaty Queer dancehall and not heard legions of gay girls and boys wet their pant(ies) when any one of the fan-fucking-tabulous gems from this Swedish siren blares over the speakerbox? Yeah, thought not.

5) CHASTITY BONO BECOMES CHAZ BONO AND DANCES WITH THE STARS sounds like a good metaphor for transitioning, but really it was some juicy TV, and Chaz, um... I love you.

6) LESBIANS THAT LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BEIBER continues the decades long conversation on lesbian 'dos. Thanks.

7) RHIZOME COLLECTIVE REBOOT featuring some of our most favorite queers of color! Woot!

8) CALIFORNIA TEXTBOOKS INCLUDE CONTRIBUTIONS OF LGBTQ HISTORY-MAKERS so that's like, every fucking gay person on the planet. Awesome.

9) QUEERBOMB 2.0 No Sophomore slump for this crew. More like Sophomore hump! Yeah!

10) KIM KARDASHIAN'S DIVORCE proved you don't have to be Queer to destroy marriage. We suggest all straighties get hitched and then anulled quickly thereafter to further degrade that most hallowed of institutions.

11) RUPAUL FINALLY CHOSE AN "ART-QUEEN" AS THE WINNAH OF RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE We were heart-broken when Nina Flowers didn't win, crushed when Tammie Brown didn't make it so far. Oh what a friend we have in Raja! And what a great way for Ru to honor his own Club Kid beginnings.

TOP ELEVEN NAYS

1) RICK PERRY IS GAY RUMORS CONTINUE I mean, really, we don't want him! It's the pink horse that should be taken to the glue factory.

2) TEXAS TEXTBOOKS won't even think about including the word "gay" much less LBTQ. We trail, we trail, because some religious zealots don't want our lives acknowledged.

3) CHARLIE'S CLOSES leaving us to wonder, now where will the closeted legislators go when they need a hot BJ and some five dollar steak? Hrmmmm?

4) DOMA DEEMED “UNENFORCE-ABLE” but not taken off the books. Dude. Just do it.

5) HOMO-HATE KEEPS MAKING LIFE UNBEARABLE FOR YOUNG GAYBIES Though there has been a lot of traction around bullying this year (with special attention paid to kids called any manner of derogatory slur to mean LGBTQ), let’s hope it’s not a fad.

6) HATERS TRYIN’ TO HATE ON PRIDE 2011 Lesbihonest, Austin Pride ate crow this year, hosting their gig at Fiesta Gardens instead of the overly haute Long Center. Still there were complainers. Could things have been better? Sure. We’d like to see the elimination of a tier-system of admissions where people who pay more have access to AC in the hot Texas sun, but all in all, a step in the right direction.

7) THAT TIME JAMES FRANCO DIDN’T DATE ME

8) THAT TIME DANIEL CRAIG DIDN’T DATE ME

9) AIDS TURNS 30 Let’s hope this is its last birthday.

10) PORN AUTEUR MICHAEL LUCAS CONTINUES TO TAKE STAUNCHLY ZIONIST STANCE I mean, he’s on the list, but yawn.

11) HOMO-HATE AT BARBARELLA'S? Uh-oh. Home of Tuesgayz is now under some community scrutiny for allegedly homophobic behavior by bar staff. The bar's response has been less than, um, savory – ranting on FB is less useful than taking the allegations seriously and using it as a moment to dialogue with your constituency. You can dance with your feet, queer, but you can also walk with them.

TOP ELEVEN POTPOURRI (SOME WINS, SOME NAYS)

1) OBAMA WITH HITLER MOUSTACHE AT OCCUPY AUSTIN PROTESTS Really? You’re going to use the arch-conservative graphic of Obama as Fascist Genocide-r Adolf Hitler to make the rhetorical point that Obama isn’t “of the people” enough? If that were the case you’d be imaging the prez as a money-hoarding Jew, but, you know, that would be racist.

2) GAYLE RUBIN READER One of the most important voices in the queer academic world, this new compendium of Rubin’s writings is mana from heaven as far as I’m concerned.

3) REALITY GAYS on Project Runway, on RuPaul’s Dragrace, on Real World, on Top Chef, on Hoarders, and on… and on…

4) MICHAEL FASSBENDER’S JR in Shame. Okaaaaaay!?!

5) QUEER ART BY RASHAAD NEWSOME AND WU TSANG Sometimes the art world loves the queers. This is one of those times.

6) BEDPOST CONFESSIONS going strong and LGBTQ inclusive. Sessy!

7) WEEKEND, THE BEGINNERS, THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, ETC. Movies with LGBTQ characters that are as complex as we are.

8) CHRISTEENE’S "AFRICAN MAYONNAISE" VIDEO Sickening. In the best way.

9) UGANDAN ACTIVIST DAVID KATO MURDERED Sickening. In the worst way.

10) GAY PRIDE PARADES IN RUSSIA SHUTDOWN And Dan Choi was there/arrested?!

11) THE INTRODUCTION OF “FINE” TO THE DANDY UNICORN STABLE Let’s see what ze’s made of!

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