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Democrats Have the Donkey... We Have the Unicorn

Unicorns kick "ass."

By Andy Campbell, 7:30AM, Wed. Aug. 27, 2008

Did you know that the Gay Place's mascot is named Dandy?
Did you know that the Gay Place's mascot is named Dandy?

I've been thinking a lot about unicorns lately. A lot. Mostly because the live coverage of the DNC has been so very… lacking.

Sample of live coverage:

Anchor One: What's happening now, Anchor Two?
Anchor Two: It looks like everyone is turning around for a moment of silence.
Anchor One: Is there any particular significance for this moment of silence?
Anchor Two: I don't know, but it sure is special.

Illuminating.

Naturally my thoughts turn elsewhere…

and where else but to unicorns? Let's be honest, unicorns have been en vogue recently because – no thanks to a certain YouTube unicorn whose name rhymes with Schmarlie and another one we'll just call Schmlanet Unicorn – they are soooooo ironic.

Aren't they?

I mean, the Gay Place logo is a unicorn for a reason, right?

Let's imagine a queer political party – one that rightfully takes the unicorn for its party mascot. The unicorn makes a perfect political mascot because of what it symbolizes:

  • Health care for all: The unicorn horn is a curative.
  • Safe sex and sex education for all: Unicorns can only be approached by virgins – either sex – virgins who know what their sexual resources are!
  • Eco-friendly policies: Unicorns live in the forest.
  • Magic. (Duh!)
  • Unicorns are for real.
  • OK, this blog is proof: Staying up to watch the DNC makes you a little gayer.

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