Formula Stun

Since the Formula One U.S.Grand Prix rolled into town, much chatter has been devoted to trying to prove that the weekend is not just for the one percent. Sure, the town's fine dining establishments will be packed with enough Mikimoto to confuse St. Peter, but the plebes can wear their Forever 21 at the Austin Fan Fest Silent Disco.

The proletariat, however, will not be at Ballet Austin for the latest landlubbing edition of My Yacht Club. Through a heavy application of gilding, the ballet's downtown digs will be transformed into a "sophisticated nightlife experience." Close your eyes tight enough and it will be just like being at Studio 54. All one has to do is pretend Val Kilmer and Laura Bell Bundy are Andy Warhol and Bianca Jagger.

But how does one cater to a glitterati suffering from overwhelming ennui?. My Yacht Club ramps up the decadence. Instead of a red carpet, partygoers will be walking on outré Patrón green. Once inside, they can play with "interactive installations" while texting, "OMG just saw Jay Leno do a body shot." Aerialists will pop down from the ceiling with shots, maybe not Jello but perhaps gelée. And, of course, the champagne will be flecked with 24-karat gold, diamonds being a bit scratchy.

Granted, glamour can be a bit disorienting. That's why event organizers will helpfully dot the joint with smiling Golden Girls. If that seems like a lot of work for Betty White, the rich need not sweat. It seems these girls are golden with the hug of metallic spandex. Instead of proffering tooters of Tuaca, these shot girls will pour magnums of Comte de Mazeray. Those looking for Golden Boys will have to look elsewhere.

With individual VIP tickets going for $300 and tables ranging from $4,500 to $50,000, the three-night event isn't for the penny pincher. But why follow a budget when you can be served "the finest from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf" and listen to DJ Alex Karlsson spin Aqua's greatest hits? You can always build that solarium next year.