OMG! The Grumpy Cat Movie Premieres Tonight!

In a just world, Bryan and Tabatha Bundesen would've turned their little bundle of faux-disdain that the world knows as Grumpy Cat over to David Lynch or Alejandro Jodorowsky and said, "Go for it."

This is not, as you know, a just world.

And so of course here we have the planet's most adorable feline curmudgeon, the Reddit-spawned-meme-turned-IRL-sensation, starring in her first cinematic outing … and it's a Lifetime Channel movie – Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever – that debuts tonight.

Honey, we're gonna need to truck in an extra supply of insulin.

Still and all, the holiday vehicle's treacle-sodden narrative notwithstanding, it's good to see that tiny furball Tardar Sauce getting her image an ever-widening distribution and reaping even more megabucks for her people. (Her people who, as you may recall, our man Brenner interviewed at length – you won't believe some of the things they said – when they brought their dwarfish varmint to SXSW in 2013.)

Why is it good to see this particular mediated exploitation? Because capitalism. Because America. Because it's reassuring to know that 1) there isn't a goddamn thing that can't be commodified toward the lowest common denominator in this society of ours, and 2) we can rely on that miserable fact to remain true and eternal after so many other truths have been shattered by the relentless hammer-blows of time and experience.

So: Grumpy Cat, appearing as an Elder God in the Lynch/Jodorowsky co-production of H.P. Lovecraft's The Call of Cthulhu?

Yeah, I had hope once. It was awful.