Up Too Early
Google Streetview Fashion Critique from Summit View
By LuvDoc, 7:30AM, Sun. Jul. 29, 2012
It's right there in the new puppy training manual: When taking your puppy for "walkies,"� always wear flip-flops. As a matter of fact, you can go that one better. Pretty much anytime or anyplace you or other people or animals are urinating, it's a good time to go open toed.
Who hasn't sidled up to the urinal at Emo's in a pair of Billabongs and felt the warm, friendly spray of a misguided joystick? Who hasn't asked themselves, "Why the fuck am I wearing flip-flops to Emo's, much less the Emo's urinal?"� Here's why: Because you hate yourself. How do you expect a guy with a Prince Albert to pee straight?
You think you have it bad, imagine being Prince Albert's roommate. Having a Prince Albert is swell if you're making the beast with two backs with Queen Vic – after all, you have to assume Her Highness' toilet gets daily servicing – but if you're just some schmo with an earring in his dong, you have to mop up your own mess – or just ignore it until your roommate loses his shit and decides to mop the bathroom floor himself. If you go that route, you should pretty much expect to find rat poison in your cornflakes. You might call that an overreaction, but a jury of your peers would probably call it justifiable homicide.
Other than his footwear, this kid is a hipster clotheshorse. Skinny pants – check. Striped knit shirt – check. Ironic moustache – check, but you can tell his puppy is really fucking embarrassed about the flip-flops and jeans thing, He can't even look at him.
Luvdoc Fashion Index: 8.0 (not even Mark Wahlberg can make Flip-Flops and jeans work)