Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from Pease Road

You can either buy a new ladder or breed one yourself
You can either buy a new ladder or breed one yourself

It’s not for us to judge what a man does with his step ladder in the privacy of his own home. For instance, he might want to change a light bulb, or replace the battery on his smoke detector, or maybe … good Lord, what the fuck is this guy doing?

This type of perversion may be acceptable on a dance floor in a club in South Beach on Goldschläger night, but in broad daylight in the middle of the street in West Austin? Inapropro. Hopefully that ladder is coated with spermicidal jelly. Actually that’s two ladders, although one appears to be "just watching."

You have to give it to this guy. He’s not above putting in some solid practice time. Today it’s a couple of ladders in the street, but who knows? In a few months if he gets in his reps, he might trade up to a pair of hairdressers in a room at the Radisson.

Fashion-wise, he definitely has game. First of all, he’s rocking the layered look, which in Austin is always a smart move. You should always be prepared to go in an instant from a balmy day outdoors into a building where the air-conditioner is set just above the core temperature of the Fortress of Solitude. That second shirt will help seal in your body heat for sure, but more importantly it will keep your nipples from looking like a pre-teen girl who just popped out of the water at Barton Springs.

The jorts? Well, what can be said about jorts that hasn’t been beaten into a grease stain by Misprint Magazine? Yes, they are the gold standard of Austin slacker fashion - especially when paired with a ridiculous beard and an ironic t-shirt. That look will take you anywhere you want to go … as long as it’s east of Red River. This guys jorts have the added authenticity of thread fringe. You have to earn that shit – or it may be available off the rack in the JC Penny’s teen section. Everything is fucking distressed these days … including the economy. Maybe if everyone started dressing for success instead of a hobo camp we could whittle the unemployment rate down to something short of the Great Depression. Oh wait a minute … scratch that. Austin’s economy has a raging boner.

Even this guy has a job – and it appears to be humping step ladders in the middle of the street. At least he’s got a sweet flannel shirt and a pair of Chucks with tube socks. Weird fetishes notwithstanding, this guy is pretty much dominating Austin fashion. Completely. You might want to take some notes.

LuvDoc Fashion index 9.8 (.2 off for being a suspected ladder perv)

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