Up Too Early
Google Streetview fashion critique from West Lynn Street (part 2)
7:00AM, Sun. Jul. 15, 2012
This woman is acting pretty zen considering there appears to be the corpse of a murdered child a few feet away from where she’s sitting.
Is Fifty Shades of Grey really that good of a book, or is she secretly hoping that if she sits quietly enough, eventually the corpse will be dragged away by feral dogs and picked clean by Turkey Vultures? That seems like flawed reasoning, but infanticide is rarely the result of a rational mind.
For instance: If she’s trying to keep the urdermay on the ownlowday, that floral coat isn’t doing her any favors. Sure, that design might work for a 1980s chintz sofa or the bathroom wallpaper in a Fredericksburg antique store, but all its doing here is attracting the attention of passersby and confused hummingbirds. To the untrained observer, that coat seems to be an easy target, but it’s not. Proof? Well, apparently the sniper missed and hit the kid. Who says fashion doesn’t have collateral damage?
Speaking of, those jeans seem to have been hemmed by either Bret Michaels or a school of piranha. Maybe the modern working mom on the go has no time for things like scissors, or needles and thread. That kind of boring shit can really cut into coffee time. This woman seems to be paring things down a bit.
First it’s a pair of peach colored Crocs for your kid so when he pees himself you can just throw him in the shower shoes and all, and then when he gets all jacked up from his morning cup of latte you clock him in the head with one of your polio shoes and pretend that he’s just another piece of stone furniture. Nothing saves time like not having kids.
Luvdoc Fashion Index: 6.5 (it really is a pretty coat)