Exclusive Interview With Wrestling Legend Duke “The Rooster” Cartwright

The legendary Duke “The Rooster” Cartwright of the Blue High Machine Mid-Southern Wrestling Coalition is not an easy man to get a hold of.

The former King of Rock champion’s been lurking in Austin’s shadier vanishing points, licking his wounds and (we must assume) methodically re-establishing the majesty of his fortitude, since he was fired from the Blue High Machine last year.

No one knows exactly where he went. Few understand exactly where he’s been. And only one man has scored an interview with the legend since his dramatic departure – and that one man is your reporter, Wayne Alan Brenner, the goddamn voice of culture in this benighted city, oh yes. Relentless WWE fanboy and Chronicle staff writer Richard Whittaker, a longtime interloper from across the Pond, may have tried to get some journo face time with the Rooster, may have attempted to ascertain the vanished titan’s whereabouts, but you know what? He failed. That Brittaker failed, citizen, as have all other pretenders to the fourth estate.

We needn’t even mention that farblondjet schmuck-with-a-videocam Stump Canderson.

So, yes, the mat-shaking magnificence of Soul Grudge Showdown VI is almost upon us! It’s ready to rock the crowds at the Off Center Coliseum this Friday and Saturday night – and only yours truly has the lowdown on that lamented local leviathan of the squared circle, Duke “The Rooster” Cartwright.

AND THIS IS HOW THE INTERVIEW WENT:

Duke Rooster: I appreciate you meeting me, and I appreciate you respectin’ my privacy.

Wayne Alan Brenner: Absolutely, sir.

Rooster: It’s been a long time since I’ve done an interview. Fellow by the name of Stump Canderson’s been trying to track me down, but, ah, I appreciate your tact. After the tragic ending of Soul Grudge Showdown V – right there at the end, my good friend Jerome “Cyclone” Jenkins, he had chance at beating The Bod right there at the main event, and I come in there with my crutch, and The Bod ducked, and I ended up hitting one of my best friends. And I cost him the belt. So I’ve been – I’ve been dealing with a lot of shame. A lot of regret. [shakes his head ruefully]

Brenner: I've gotta tell you, it’s an honor and a privilege to have this exclusive interview, Rooster. It’ll be published in the Chronicle online, so I hope that won’t crimp your style before the Showdown coming up this weekend.

Rooster: Well, currently, I’m fired from the league – but I’m trying to work my way back in. We got a real S.O.B. – Brian “Big Capital” Heinous – he’s the majority shareholder in the league, and he fired me at the last Soul Grudge Showdown, the King of Rock championship bout. But there’s still a lot of great wrestlers in the Blue High Machine. People who care about tradition. People like Bill Royal the Physical Jerk.

Brenner: And are they, people like Bill Royal, are they people you’re personally backing – albeit from exile?

Rooster: Without a doubt – I’ll back anyone who’s coming from the old days. As far as this new group of people – Mike “The Bod” Bockwinkle, Ace “The Face” Manning, The Firm – those two scumbag lawyers – and Debbie Decimal the Librarian, you can’t trust her, she turned her back real quick on the youth of today. I’ve got my own youth group, Rooster’s Kids, and I was just hanging out with some of them over at the Millennium Youth Entertainment Complex, doing some roller skating today, just trying to do my part in the community. I’m through being in seclusion! It’s time for me to get back in the public eye.

Brenner: Okay, back into the public eye. But – back into the ring, d’you think?

Rooster: We’ll see. We’ll see. I’ve tried to stay in shape, but – I’ve had a lot of injuries. I’ve had a broken back, some fused vertebrae from a fight I had in Chihuahua against Maniac Mick McKenzie. But hopefully I’ll get back in the ring. But, first, I have to get reinstated – so we’ll see how that works.

Brenner: Are there any particular fights you’re looking forward to at least witnessing this weekend?

Rooster: There’s some great ones coming up. If I were the people in charge of the Off Center Coliseum, I’d be stocking up on extra nuts and bolts – because I’m sure the roof is gonna be ripped right offa that place. You’ve got the Pan-American Championship with The Hades Kick, he’s going up against Ace “The Face” Manning, and that Hades Kick is coming straight out of Japan and he’s got a fighting style the likes of which the Blue High Machine has only barely started to see. His regimen, his tactics are – ah, they’re pretty incredible. And we’ve got a great Women’s Title Match: Fizzy Borden, she’s got a good shot at taking out Debbie Decimal this year. Of course, the tag team match is gonna be crazy, we’re gonna see the Forces of Nature, the Jenkins Boys, take on The Firm – and maybe The Firm will get their well-deserved comeuppance. We’ve got the Lyrical War title, where Zeale is gonna be going up against Todd Mein in a battle of lyrical war, wrestling and rapping at the same time. And the whole show is gonna be backed by Alan Slaytoven and the Freedom Eagles, one of the bitchingest bands you’ll ever hear. And of course someone’s gonna get a chance at the King of Rock title on Saturday night against The Bod.

Brenner: King of Rock Champion. That’s your old title. How do you feel about that personally, Rooster?

Rooster: I feel that if anybody can beat The Bod and get through Big Capital and all his band of cronies, then they’ve got a right to take that belt, they’ve got a right to own it. I’ve held it three times now – not as many as Bill Royal, who, as we all know, has been wrestling for seven decades and is still in the greatest shape of his life. So maybe The Physical Jerk will have a shot at the title.

Brenner: Is there any truth to the rumor that you’ve been secretly coaching Bill Royal the Physical Jerk during your absence?

Rooster: There’s no truth to that at all. Bill Royal has always been trained by Tony Rambone, one of the greatest trainers out of Philadelphia.

Brenner: And yet – pardon me, sir – those video clips I was recently forwarded by an anonymous source, they definitely show you and Bill Royal engaged in some form of training. Some Dim Mak-style maneuvers as practiced, I’ve been told, by members of the Black Dragon Fighting Society.

Rooster: Ah, yes, well, those clips were – those were from years ago. Seriously, man, that was almost a decade ago, when Bill Royal and I were practicing for an exhibition match in Philly. It was just a little exercise showing the influence of Asian martial arts at the time, and I can personally assure you it’s got nothing to do with this weekend’s Showdown.

Brenner: The clips were timestamped, though, Rooster. Indicating that they were from just two weeks ago. July 29th, to be precise.

Rooster: Ah, well –

Brenner: At 4:17 in the afternoon.

Rooster: Listen, let me tell you what you can do with –

[But, dear readers, the Rooster never got a chance to finish that thought. Because it was at this point that we were interrupted by a voice – loud, belligerent, dripping with disdain – coming from the railing that separates the Thunderbird Coffeehouse patio (where this interview was conducted) from the street. And when we turned to look, there was none other than Mike “The Bod” Bockwinkle with a predatory grin on his face, leaning over into the community space, brandishing his championship title belt and about forty yards of bad attitude.]

The Bod: I didn’t think you were showing your face around here anymore, Rooster.

Brenner: Oh shit.

Rooster: Why don’t you just leave me alone, man. I don’t have any time for this, Bod. I’m doing an interview over here. I live over here, okay? I work with this community. I’m not over here trying to buy out these small businesses and families, like you and Brian Heinous.

The Bod: That’s right, Rooster, we are buying it out. Big Capital’s here now – and we told you to get out.

Brenner: Uh …

Rooster: Look, we’re just trying to have a conversation here.

The Bod: Yeah? Who’s this? Who’s your friend?

Brenner: I’m with The Austin Chronicle. You’re, ah, you’re Mike "The Bod" Bockwinkle, is that right?

The Bod: Yeah, you know who I am. Why you interviewing this wash-up?

Brenner: Old-school.

The Bod: “Old-school.” [sneers] Yeah? You’re old-school Austin?

Brenner: Damn right.

The Bod: Yeah, well, that’s not what it’s about anymore.

Brenner: Yeah? What’s it about?

The Bod: Take a look around you, man. You see what's happening Downtown, all those high-rises? You see the Eastside, all these fancy new condos? That’s Big C! That’s capitalism! This Cherrywood bullshit all around here? Families? We’re gonna move 'em out. We’re gonna bring in young people, not old people.

Brenner: Are you – are you speaking on behalf of Brian Heinous?

The Bod: That’s the Brian Heinous Machine, because Blue High is over. And, yeah, I’m speaking on behalf of Big Capital, and the entire Machine – because it’s our town now. We’re the big boys, we’re not this amateur wrestling coalition anymore. [frowns] Look at you, Rooster, just sittin’ back there.

Rooster: Listen, Bod – [starts to rise from the bench]

The Bod: Sit down, Rooster.

Rooster: [walks slowly to the railing, gets right in The Bod’s face, pokes the championship belt] You don’t have the intestinal fortitude it takes to hold that belt. That belt – that’s the belt that was held by Bill Royal, Milt “The Stilt” Joplin, Jack “The Hammer” Hayes, and myself three times.

The Bod: Who’s holding it now, huh? [shakes the belt in Rooster’s face] Who’s holding it now?

Rooster: Not for long, Bod.

The Bod: Who’s gonna take it from me, huh? Rooster, you’re kicked out. You better not even show up, because we’ll throw you right out. We’re taking over – and if I ever see you on the Eastside again, you’ll be lucky to survive.

Rooster: [throws cup of ice water in The Bod’s face, turns and walks away]

The Bod: Ah! Ah! That’s how you’re gonna handle things, Rooster? Don’t have the fortitude to take me on like a real man?

Rooster: Time and place, son. Time and place.

The Bod: Yeah? I’ll see you there, buddy. I’ll see you there.

Rooster [to Brenner:] Sorry, gonna have to cut this short. [climbs onto his motorcycle, rides off]

The Bod: [glares silently, exuding menace]

END OF INTERVIEW