Gay Place: Laissez Lez...

It's Mardi Gras, y'all! (Photo by Andy Campbell)

Laissez Lez ... and gays and yays and theys. It's a week of beads and luvin' at various Valentine's and Mardi Gras fêtes.

ON OUR GAYDAR

BedPost Confessions Mixer Get up close and personal with the Bedposters with MJ Torrance and DJ Kid Gorilla. Thu., Feb. 12, 7-10:30pm. Dozen Street, 1808 E. 12th. $5. www.fb.com/bedpostconfessions.

Products of Processing The folks behind the Butch Feelings calendar, Homo Photo Club's Gretchen Phillips, Deb Norris, and Beth Schindler, are having yippee yi yo ki yay to-do. Opening reception: Thu., Feb. 12, 6-9pm. Prizer Gallery, 2023 E. Cesar Chavez St. Free. www.fb.com/prizergallery.

THR3E ZISTERS A little gender twist on Mr. Chekhov never hurt no one. p.s.: The sisters? Zombies, of course. Thu.-Sat., through Feb. 14, 8pm. Salvage Vanguard Theater, 2803 Manor Rd. $20. www.salvagevanguard.org.

True Love Valentine Dance PopNoir and Jason Austin present this Valentine Dance, featuring PopNoir Soundsystem and Erotik Art Show and tape release. Mousoir Austin promises "an evening of love songs dedicated to all the stalkers and broken-hearted of the world!" Fri., Feb. 13, 7pm. The Monstrosity, 2514 Wilson, 512/810-8281. Free. www.popnoir.com, www.fb.com/popnoirsoundsystem.

V-Day Erotica Reading Nothing like getting a li'l hot under the collar. Writer/readers Allyson Whipple, Anushka Jasraj, Denise Hudson, Dana Sayre, and more are gonna make you sweat (or cry or cuddle). Fri., Feb. 13, 7pm. BookWoman, 5501 N. Lamar Ste. 105-A, 512/472-2785. Free. www.fb.com/bookwomanaustin.

Kings N Things: Bloody Valentine Austin's rollicking group of hirsute hers and hims and zirs and whims tackle the tickle of love in all its bloody glory. Host: Merci Killingspree, with special guests from Poo Poo Platter. Proceeds to benefit QueerBomb! Reportedly the Kings' last show for a while. Keep your eyes on our blog for updates. Fri., Feb. 13, 9pm-2am. Elysium, 705 Red River, 512/478-2979. $5-$7. www.fb.com/kingsnthings, www.queerbomb.org.

Thomas Gold Who wouldn't be golden backed up by the No. 1 go-go girls of Texas: Las GoGo Gadgettes? Not this progressive electro-house Berliner, fo sho. Fri., Feb. 13, 9pm-2am. V Nightclub, 409 Colorado, 512/450-3835. Free. www.soundcloud.com/thomas-gold.

Chain Drive Mardi Gras Don your mask and get ready to beg: the boys/bois/buoyz on the bar will have you lifting your skivvs to get them beads. The hedonistic environment also features jazz music and some spicy gumbo. Fri., Feb. 13, 10pm-2am. Chain Drive, 84 East Ave. Free. www.fb.com/chaindriveatx.

Baile: The Dance! It's that time of year: We get to make our favorite joke! Wait for it as you plan your hot little outfit. Wait for it while you shimmy to DJ Victor. Are you ready? Here it is: Baile: The Dance: That's Spanish for "Dance! El Baile." Thank you, we'll be here all week! Sat., Feb. 14, 8pm-12:30am. Capital City Event Center, 6700 Middle Fiskville. www.allgo.org.

Golden Age Valentine Concert Isaac Peña, John Pointer, Gina Chavez, Ginger Leigh, Suzanna Choffel, Robert Ashker Kraft, Juliana Sheffield, Lian Amber, and Luis Angel Ibanez. Whoooo, that's some Mad Men madness: Party like it's 1959, y'all. Sat., Feb. 14, 9pm. Scottish Rite Theater, 207 W. 18th. $50, $150 VIP table for 2. www.fb.com/gingerleighaustin.

Lone Star Bears: Red & Black Party Chess, checkers, a deck of cards, and parts of your sad little body when the LSB get through with you. Sat., Feb. 14, 9pm-2am. The Iron Bear, 121 W. Eighth. www.fb.com/groups/lonestarbears.

LOVEBOMB! It's the annual cuddle-and-sweat kickoff to Queerbomb!'s Indiegogo campaign to raise money and roofs for the most exquisite June queer love/empowerment march. Sat., Feb. 14, 9pm-2am. Elysium, 705 Red River. $5-10. www.queerbomb.org.

The Jungle of Love Go to these fools' FB page and read the dang "Welcome to the Jungle" lyrics they wrote especially for the occasion. Dang. Then prepare for their heteroABnormative Tarzan & Jane contest. Et tu, Cheetah? Sat., Feb. 14, 9:30pm. V Nightclub, 409 Colorado. Free until 1:30am. www.fb.com/vnightclubatx.

John Waters at ACL Live What could be more fun, fun, fun than the man, the myth, the monster who brought the steez to the sleaze? Mon., Feb. 16, 8pm. ACL Live at the Moody Theater, 310 W. Willie Nelson Blvd. $40-60. www.acl-live.com/calendar/john-waters.

FOREPLAY MARDI GRAS Come meet the new queens of reign ... we mean Rain. It's Mardi Gras: Show 'em if you got 'em, and you might get some beads. Tue., Feb. 17, 10pm-12mid. Rain on 4th, 217 W. Fourth. Free. www.fb.com/rainon4th.

Kaki King "Sturm und Drang ...." Not entirely because of what it means (though you may reach exhalted states upon hearing her). Mostly (we think), it's because it sounds like STRUM! and DANG!!!! which is what we always scream when we see, hear, feel her live. Wed., Feb. 18, 7pm. Empire Control Room, 606 E. Seventh. $20-25. www.fb.com/kakiking.

OUTsider Opening Night & SALONS This is it! The big opening night of Austin's new queer arts fest/feat. Come witness the twisted body rock of Narcissister and the Gay Wax Museum (see "Waxing Queer," p.36). Then check the schedule for details on "Conferences on the Couch," affording opportunities to rub elbows with the queerati in a living-room setting. Opening Night: Wed., Feb. 18, 7pm. Salvage Vanguard Theater, 2803 Manor Rd. Salons: Thu.-Sat., Feb. 19-22, 11am. See OUTsider schedule for location. www.outsiderfest.org/schedule.

HO-RIZON

Bent Queer Art Showcase The main queer art event during SXSW. Opening party: Sat., Feb. 21, 7-10pm; runs through March. Romani Gallery, 1900 E. 12th. Free. www.fb.com/theromanigallery.

Carnaval Brasileiro 2015 Our official post-Mardi Gras Mardi Gras, led by Austin's beloved Samba School. You've got just enough time to stitch together your feather thong. Sat., Feb. 28, 8pm. Palmer Events Center, 900 Barton Springs Rd. $38, VIP $63. www.carnavalaustin.com.

Texas' Largest Gay Beach Party: Splash-SPI Head to the (almost) border for Texas' annual big gay beach bash: Splash, featuring guest of honor Lance Bass. Thu.-Sun., April 23-25. South Padre Island, Texas, 956/761-7711. www.splashsouthpadre.com.

Austin International Drag Festival Three days of dolled-up diva-inity featuring some of the jiggliest names in the biz. Check the URL for updates. Fri.-Sun., May 1-3, 2015. A variety of Downtown venues (stay tuned for details). $198, early bird sold out, individual show tickets still available. www.austindragfest.org.