Gay Place

TOP 10s?

We prefer tops and bottoms. Online, the Gay Place brims with our full krewe's individual lists. The following is a mere abbreviation. Check here for the full batch. And watch our blog as Andy Campbell and I take to New Orleans for the Prospect 2 art biennial and live-blog the whole schmear and shebang. (Guess which one of us has a "schmear" and which one of us has a "shebang"?)

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TOPS & BOTTOMS

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TOP NATIONAL GAY 10 OF 2011

1) HILLARY CLINTON Our secretary of state declares gay rights are human rights, and so does the U.N.

2) DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL/DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT Uhhh, buh-bye!

3) NATIONAL AIDS STRATEGY Our country finally has one.

4) ZACH WAHLS loves his gay moms.

5) LEZ NAVY KISS It's official AP and not just for straight-guy kicks anymore.

6) HEY GIRL, IT'S KSTEW and LESBIANS WHO LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER Just Google them, trust us

7) NY GAY MARRIAGE We do!

8) NAKIA Austin bear goes national on NBC's The Voice.

9) 'AB FAB' Dahhhling!

10) CHAZ BONO Realness in memoir and on TV.

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TOP LOCAL GAY 5 OF 2011

1) BERNADETTE'S A dive bar for unicorns (where everybody knows your mane).

2) AARON FLYNN/BILLY BEASTY'S AIDS VIRUS COSTUME Whoa.

3) QUEERBOMB & PRIDE Not exactly a kiss-and-make-up, but there was definitely kissing and wearing of makeup.

4) ROBYN CAME TWICE Please don't make us finish this joke. It's dirty.

5) ANA SISNETT LIBRARY UT's Gender and Sexuality Center honors local iconic mama.

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BOTTOM GAY 5 OF 2011

1) RICK PERRY Do we really need to annotate this? National stage = national joke.

2) HATE CRIME MURDER OF NORMA AND MARIA HURTADO

3) REPORTS/GOSSIP OF HOMOPHOBIA IN LOCAL CLUBS See blog.

4) GLEN MAXEY REGURGITATING 'RICK PERRY IS GAY' RUMORS No offense to Glen, whom we admire, but dude, we don't want him!

5) CHARLIE'S CLOSED

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ON OUR GAYDAR

TASTE THE CHAINBOW with Bloody Knives and Coma in Algiers. Thu., Jan. 5, 9pm. Hotel Vegas, 1500 E. Sixth, 589-1411. Free. www.chainbow.bandcamp.com.

LIZZY CAROLOKE She's baaaaaack. Ask her for an orange. Fridays, 8pm-12mid. Bernadette's, 2039 Airport. Free.

LILLIAN HELLMAN'S 'THE CHILDREN'S HOUR' Those naughty children said that naughty stuff. Jan. 6-28. Thu.-Sat., 8pm; Sun., 2pm. City Theater, 3823-D Airport, 926-6746. Pick your price: $15, $20, $25, or $30. www.main.org/diffstages.

L&G NEW YEAR RELEASE RSVP for L Style's new year, new issue party. Get on the waiting list, cuz this one is free and limited. (Kinda like that pool scene from Caddyshack, n'est pas?) Sat., Jan. 7, 6-9pm. Palm Door, 401 Sabine, 391-1994. Free. www.lstylegstyle.com/events_release.php.

KATHY GRIFFIN Awwww, the Long Center is soooo cute. Its PR for this show says "laugh until you cry," while KG's PR says "laugh until you puke." Keep it real, Long! Either way, there will be a lot of crying and puking. Sat., Jan. 7, 8pm. Long Center for the Performing Arts, 701 W. Riverside, 457-5100. $49-89.

ALIEN SHE Alien She-Js (James Blonde + Young Creature) x special guest DJ BJ = awww some. First Saturday of the month, 10pm. Bernadette's, 2039 Airport. Free.

QUEERDALINI YOGA Yup. It's Kundalini in a safe environment for those who'd rather focus on chi than "he" or "she." Mondays, 7-8:15pm. Guari Movement Studio, 1627 Barton Springs Rd. Donations appreciated. queerdalini@gmail.com.

FOODIES HAPPINESS HOUR Boys and girls, happy houring together under one great, big rainbow umbrella. Joy! Second Tuesdays, 6-8pm. Hugo's Restaurant y Tequila Bar, 300 S. Lamar, 474-4846. beatsagogo@gmail.com.

GRETCHEN'S DISCO PLAGUE Last chance to catch GP before she hoofs it out of town for the uncomfortable months. Aside from disco yowling, she will also take a whack at DJing. Wed., Jan. 11, 9pm. Cheer Up Charlie's, 1104 E. Sixth, 431-2133. www.gretchen-phillips.com.

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HO-RIZON

LIZA: CELLULOID FAGHAG ... we mean "Handbag." Mz. Havemeyer tackles and tickles the daughter o' Dorothy for us friends. (Translation: A local, well-known drag queen is showing Liza With a Z; please try and keep up, people.) Wed., Jan. 25. Alamo Drafthouse at the Ritz, 320 E. Sixth, 476-1320. www.drafthouse.com/series/celluloid_handbag/austin.