After a Fashion

MODEL/LAWYER REPORT: Well, model/lawyer Erin Elmore has made her debut on The Apprentice 3. She is on the Magna team (the one with book smarts), which lost to Net Worth (the team with street smarts) in the premiere episode. Elmore did not display any of the fabulous modeling moves that I'd hoped for, but she did perform admirably at her job which entailed running a cash register at Burger King while wearing little bobble-head antennas. Even if her team lost, it was no fault of hers, and she was not the one to be fired. But as the contestants get narrowed down, we'll get to see what theyre really made of. I'd like to see Erin (who looks like her parents may have been Ashlee Simpson and Cher) take control by standing up, holding for two beats, looking over her shoulders in each direction, and striding into the key-light and saying, "This is how it's gonna be ..." Oh, and by-the-by, Ms. Elmore has posted my original model/lawyer story on her Web site, www.erinelmore.com.

WORDS OF THE WEEK: "Discretion is dishonesty with a little good breeding." – Cole Porter

THE SLUDGE REPORT: Is it really true, as the New York papers say, that devoted Republican Dennis Hopper, who was chairing the creative coalition gala for the Dubya's second inauguration, did not even make an appearance at the event? Attending were Macy Gray, Gary Busey, Al Franken, Mario Van Peebles, and others, but no Dennis Hopper. Dennis, it seems, was, um, disinvited from the inauguration due to objections from the religious right. I imagine he went and drowned his sorrows with other Republican reject Kid Rock… And this SpongeBob SquarePants scandal! Doesn't the religious right have anything better to do than go after cartoon characters? What in the name of Tinky-Winky are they thinking? But now, SBSP, Winnie the Pooh, Barney, Rugrats, and more than a hundred other cartoon characters sing "We Are Family" in an educational video meant to promote tolerance. The irony is that the We Are Family Foundation, established by Nile Rodgers of the Seventies hitmakers Chic, is being attacked by Christian groups for having a tolerance pledge on its Web site that asks people to respect, among other things, the sexual identity of others. Apparently, this is not SBSP's first time at the rodeo. MSNBC.com said, "SpongeBob, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, was outed by the U.S. media in 2002 after reports that the TV show and its merchandise were popular with gays." All of this slipped under my radar. I had no idea that poor SBSP had already been branded with a scarlet G, but as far as SBSP merchandise being "popular" with gays, well, we'll just say that no one in my vast circle is sporting any sort of SBSP merchandise… During the recent presidential elections, George Bush tried desperately to vilify the notion of considering someone else's point of view and perhaps reconsidering your own. He called this "flip-flopping" and nailed John Kerry to the cross with it. But it appears Bush himself has done a bit of "flip-flopping" on the issue of gay marriage. In The Washington Post, he said last Sunday, in effect, that many senators felt that a constitutional amendment was too extreme since the Defense of Marriage Act was already in place. Because many senators are waiting to see if that legislation can withstand a constitutional challenge, Bush said "nothing will happen" with the proposed amendment for the time being. It's all right, Bush, people change their minds about things every day – give it a try sometime… But, fear not, ye conservative Christians, you still have that repulsive U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum in your corner. After Bush sounded like he was waffling on the issue, Santorum quickly found an open microphone and declared that he would never abandon his constituents and that he'd continue to promote their agenda for a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Then, a week later, he lumped all gay people in with practitioners of pedophilia, bestiality, incest, adultery, bigamy, and polygamy. Later, he said, "I am a firm believer that all are equal under the Constitution." Until he changes it, that is. Then only heterosexuals will be equal. "My comments should not be construed in any way as a statement on individual lifestyles," he said, contradicting himself again. Or is the word "flip-flop"? Since Santorum is in such horror over "acts outside of traditional heterosexual relationships," then I recommend that he not participate in any…

SPAM THIS: In view of Austin attorney Lin Hughes' defense of her client, the UT student who is charged with running one of the largest fraudulent spam operations in the world, surely she won't mind if we all forward our spam to her: lhughes@mcginnislaw.com.