Public Notice
By Kate X Messer, Fri., May 7, 1999
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Master of Your Domain
Hey, Wanker! How's it hangin'? Boy, were we titillated -- as we're sure you're about to be -- to learn that there is a National Masturbation Day. Don't take that Maypole down just yet, 'cuz the celebration gets off the ground Fri, May 7. Jocelyn Elders, Richard Gere, Madonna, Jerry Seinfeld, and Susie Bright must be beside themselves. And get this: Not only has this one particular seminal 24-hour period been erected to America's favorite pants-time, but the entiremonth of May is National Masturbation Month. Whew! We know of no stimulating events scheduled locally, but feel certain that folks will take the day in hand. Go nuts. Beat us to it. No local number (without a 900 in front of it) available.
Lipschtick Tracers
Ooooh, girl. Miss Thang 1998 is going down! That's Miss Universal Thang. Clear some room at the vanity for Miss Universal Thang 1999, priss. Just leave that PC tiara at home, and tell musty ol' Burt Parks to keep his "There She Is" to himself, Tootsie, because these poofty pageant ho's are all about lettin' it all hang out. Congenial this: The pantyhose comes off and it all goes down this Sat, May 8, 10:30pm at that sassy li'l sass-shay of a runway, 'Bout Time, 9601 N. I-35. The cross-gending Vogue-a-thon will benefit Project Transitions. 832-5339.
Say Cheese!
Finally, something this legislative session worthy of the regal building that holds it! Kids from the Children's Photographic Collective at Andrews Elementary School will proudly show their own real and true photographic expressions in the north exhibition hall of the State Capitol Building, Sat, May 8-Sat, May 15 in an Exhibition of Photographs. These results from an extensive photography workshop belie the age and sophistication of the mere third-graders who are responsible for the insightful works (see photo). Students learned to use totally manual cameras and produced as well as processed these images. 462-0559.
Crank This
If you schedule it just right, you could find yourself in the saddle all weekend. First, on Sat, May 8 is the Armadillo Hill Country Classic, which has 20-, 50-, 60-, and 100-mile routes beginning at Leander High and wending through the hills. The $25 registration will benefit the Austin Cycling Association's Bicycle Safety & Free Helmet Program. 251-6477.
Then, Sun, May 9, join the Human Power Party on the south steps of the Capitol Building. There will be beer, lemonade, food, Frisbee™, and loads of wacky bikes. No cars allowed. You're just going to have to figure out another way to get there, now aren'tcha? 603-TUBA.
Mama Mia!
Take your mother by the hand (or send kisses to her in the ether). Tell her she is the most precious mom you've ever had. Then find a mom you know and give her a big hug. Help her kids make a card for her. Then find a mom separated from her kids and listen, really listen, to her. Take a cue from the coolest mom you know, and feed every instinct you have to behave in the most sincerely benevolent, motherly fashion to everyone you meet -- if just for one day, Mother's Day, this Sun, May 9. Happy Mother's Day. Hi, Mama!
