Count it as one of the great Hollywood mysteries – right up there with the death of Natalie Wood and the career of Vin Diesel – that we’ve had to wait this long for a movie starring a talking milkshake, a floating box of french fries, and a ball of ground beef. Surely Edison didn’t think it would take a hundred years, or he wouldn’t have bothered inventing the Kinetograph. Based on the popular Cartoon Network TV show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
is every bit as ridiculous as its name. And in all honesty, I have no real idea what it’s about, though I was able to piece together a few things: 1) The movie’s aforementioned heroes Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad are in possession of a piece of exercise equipment, called the Insane-O-Flex, that has the power to destroy Earth; 2) the Insane-O-Flex’s creators (who are either aliens, robots, or lesser-celebrated Matisse paper cutouts) have come to New Jersey to retrieve their invention; and 3) there is a character called MC Pee Pants. That’s it; otherwise the plot is totally incomprehensible. Which doesn’t really matter, because the plot is incidental anyway; it’s just a frame in which to hang a massive collection of absurdist non sequiturs and deadpan pauses, which, depending on your tastes (and possibly your affinity for mind-altering drugs), are either the stuff of comic genius or proof that the world has stopped making sense entirely. Show creators Maiellaro and Willis choose to ignore the siren song of broad commercial appeal and instead run stubbornly – admirably, one could say – in the opposite direction, creating a film that’s even more random and inscrutable than the series, which is saying something. While watching it, I decided that after each page of the script was finished, it was put aside, never to be looked at again, for fear that some logical connection might possibly be found between the action on that page and the next. Which would never do. Because when your film’s villain is a slice of watermelon, the last thing you want is your viewers thinking rationally.