The AggreGAYtor: February 7
Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news
By Brandon Watson, 2:00PM, Thu. Feb. 7
Megan Rapinoe has an evening out, Jennifer Lopez gets the green light, and Adam Lambert gives some questionable advice. Today’s AggreGAYtor killed the radio star.
• The Boy Scouts of America have pushed back their decision on gay membership until May, which I’m sure is just to give them a little more time to redesign those wretched uniforms.
• Or because a particular council in Utah made a big stink. But probably that’s just a cover story.
• Speaking of Boy Scouts, professional canker sore Alan Keyes has some ideas of how to make them even better.
• Michigan teacher Brook Johnson is suing her school district after they fired wrongful termination after her student's LGBT history month display ruffled some feathers. As unimaginable as it is to true-blue Americans, there are still some folks who do not cotton to Neil Patrick Harris.
• Discarded Bioré strip Tony Perkins claims the Family Research Council convinced Walmart to stop funding pro-gay causes, an outcome likely predicated on Perkins’ particularly seductive eyelash batting.
• Barbara Karpouzian, the counseling director for Chicago Public Schools, reportedly has a video that teaches homos how to straighten up. The video, depicting oiled-up men engaging in “macho” activities like gator wrestling, is generally seen as ineffective.
• With a board that includes Michelle Bachmann and Allen West, it’s no surprise that the Thomas More Law Center is no friend to queers. What is surprising is that they filed an amicus brief with a font out of “Laugh-In.” I would love to see the SCOTUS players pop up from tiny psychedelic trap doors, but I’m still not sure whether Antonin Scalia is the Jo Anne Worley or the Ruth Buzzi.
• With all those wandering chupacabras, it’s nice to have a few friends. For instance, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn is keen on marriage equality.
• And Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton is on board too.
• For his part, sci-fi author John Scalzi is turning homophobic chatter into pro-gay dollars. Werd.
• In a daring escape that involved years of spooning out concrete, a mile long swim through unctuous water, and an impromptu fight with rabid jackals; Megan Phelps-Roper has finally freed herself from the Westboro Baptist Church.
• Floyd Corkins II has plead guilty in last year’s Family Research Council shooting.
• Of course Tony Perkins is still blaming the Southern Poverty Law Center, but we always knew that Perky loves drama.
• Ugh! Perkins seemed to be everywhere this week. For the life of me, I can’t fathom why CNN producers keep asking ole bitterscotch back. Soledad O’Brien is clearly over it.
• A jocular Miami-Dade circular judge has allowed a gay men and two lesbians legal parenthood of daughter.
• President Obama is scheduled to speak at the Fellowship Foundation’s National Prayer Breakfast. The culinary word is aflutter with gossip about what will be on the menu. Dry toast? Splenda muffins? Marcus Bachmann’s tuna skroodle hot dish? Maybe Jesus really is a biscuit.
• The recurring halitosis of Uganda’s “kill the gays” bill is yet again stinking up Africa.
• Over in Kenya, a popular sports blog has uncovered an appalling amount of lesbianism in soccer. Curiously, Kenya’s women’s team wear constricting lace-up silver mini-dresses instead of the more generally accepted shorts and jerseys.
• Bangkok gubernatorial candidate Pongsapat Pongcharoen is appealing to the transgender community in a new campaign ad.
• ABC Family has picked up Jennifer Lopez’ lesbidrama “The Fosters.”
• Sequined B-lister Adam Lambert is encouraging straight guys to go to gay clubs to pick-up ladies. I hope this is just a complicated plan to rid the bars of the dread scourge of bachelorette parties.
• I’m not sure if I am buying Perez Hilton’s anti-bullying reformation. It’s like when the best friend in a horror movie totally becomes the murderer and the last girl standing is like “why” before she punches Perez in the gut and flees the lake house.
• After reading the results of a Manhunt, I’m afraid my plans to shave the Declaration of Independence into my imaginary chest hair will have to wait for a cultural shift.
• So if I bought a pork pie hat and always walked in slow motion, do you think Megan Rapinoe would let me join her clique?
• San Antonio’s Catholic Our Lady of the Lake, who count the GrammaggreGAYtor among their illustrious alumna, has revised their student handbook to prevent LGBTQ discrimination.