The AggreGAYtor: February 6
Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news
By Brandon Watson, 12:30PM, Wed. Feb. 6
Kevin Keller joins Grindr, Marco Rubio throws a tantrum, and Chet Haze does a solid. When it comes to getting bread, today's AggreGAYtor has got the keys to the bakery.
• I don't think the United Kingdom ever got over losing the colonies. They always seem to want to one-up us. First with Idris Elba and now with marriage equality. Show-offs.
• Eleven year-old senatorial wunderkind Marco Rubio, who hopes that LGBT rights will not become the central issue in immigration debate, really wants a PlayStation 3 for his birthday.
• The Wyoming House has killed a domestic partnership bill after realizing that no one actually lives in their state.
• Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is set to allow same-sex families some military benefits. For instance, gay partners will probably be able to buy cheap cigarettes at military commissaries. Progress?
• Since Matt Barber goes on an anti-gay rant on a weekly basis, his preposterous defense of Prop 8 is nothing new. Really, I just wanted an excuse to link to his sexy, sexy glamor shot. He's such a bad boy. Grrrrrr. Consider that spank bank overdrawn.
• Fox News apparently is ready to fight gay Boy Scouts by any means necessary.
• Slinky nightclub chanteuse Linda Harvey thinks "grudge-holding" is keeping people gay.
• Thanks to Citizens United, we know that corporations are not just people but also racist "no homo" dude bros.
• The Tyler Clementi Higher Education Anti-Harassment Act has been reintroduced in congress. Oddly, this seemed to set off a chain of events that coalesced in Michelle Bachmann disappearing from the house floor. Though investigators are still chasing leads, the puddle of water remaining in her seat may offer some clues.
• Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee worries about a brain drain if marriage equality is not passed.
• All in all, "ex-gay" columnist Matt Moore's Grindr profile is better than Larry Craig's, but I do like Larry's use of emojis.
• Since retiring as the South Carolina GOP head, Todd Kincannon has spent most of his time imagining celebrity fellatio.
• The Lake County School Board near Orlando, Florida is the latest education group to consider eliminating all clubs rather than allowing a gay/straight alliance. The bath salts club is going to be pissed.
• Although Riverdale's resident twink already got married under a white balloon arch (Really Jughead? That's the best you could do?), Kevin Keller feels now would be a good time to start dating. At least we'll get to find out why he's called Moose.
• Chris Brown, America's most famous velociraptor, reportedly called Frank Ocean a "faggot" during their recent parking brawl.
• Gay porn star Arpad Miklos has been found dead of an apparent suicide.
• As a token of esteem to our straight ladies, us gay dudes had a meeting and agreed you can have Chet Haze. No need to thank us, we'll just buy our own flowers in your card.
• Lord Jamar of Nineties Public Enemy-also-rans Brand Nubian has a beef with Kanye West's "queer shit."
• Chrysalis introduces the first lingerie line for transgender women.
• Comic Sans think tank Sweet Cakes by Melissa has been a little testy since refusing to bake a lesbian couple a wedding cake.
• The couple, however, is getting the last laugh. Instead of some spackled fondant tower, they are getting a beauty from Ace of Cakes maestro Duff Goldman.