Britney Spears uses her words, Ian McKellen fights Sauron, and Andrew Cuomo brews up a storm. Today’s AggreGAYtor went to town, riding on a pony.
• One wonders why Maine state rep David Johnson didn’t just hook a battery to his recently deceased gay brother and have him read off lines at a Chuck E. Cheese. That would have been only slightly less tacky than using him and his widower to tout marriage inequality.
• Malawi's President Joyce Banda has put the brakes on all anti-gay laws pending a parliamentary debate.
• Now that “slumming it” has become déclassé, the hottest trend in tourism is the lezcation.
• The Nevada Supreme Court is set to hear lesbian co-parenting case that seems very complicated, but probably just because I stayed up late watching Drag Race All Stars. In depth analysis of today’s news: every weekday in the AggreGAYtor.
• Gandalf takes New Zealand Prime Minister John Key to task for recent homophobic statements.
• Equality foes are tickled pink that the American College of Pediatricians gave a ringing endorsement to Minnesota’s gay marriage ban. Well maybe not tickled pink. How do homophobes get tickled? Raw sienna? Burnt umber?
• Another day, another blistering exposé of the LGBTQIA conspiracy to change global weather patterns. In this edition, Maryland pastor Luke Robinson blames Sandy on Michael Bloomberg’s support of marriage equality.
• Lucky, us thermodynamic queers have some allies willing to participate in the cover-up. Andrew Cuomo is totes our Oliver North.
• It’s almost certain that tonight’s results will expand queer choices for destination weddings.
• Marriage equality in Colorado likely hinges on the outcomes of state Senate and House races.
• Columbia Heights man attacked in possible anti-gay, anti-Hispanic hate crime.
• Tammy Baldwin is set to become nation’s first out senator.
• With anti-gay sentiment rising to a fever pitch in neighboring Serbia, it is nice to see Croatia chastising former football federation head Vlatko Markovic for saying gays would never be allowed to join the national team.
• Britney Spears is writing a novel. Early reports indicate that the book is shaping up to be an existential meditation involving large sea mammals. Call her Britney, ya’ll.
• Heather Matarazzo calls off wedding plans. A person who once delivered Kung Pao Tofu to Heather’s hotel says she and girlfriend Carolyn Murphy “were missing the spark.”
• Log Cabin Republican’s R. Clarke Cooper and National Organization for Marriage’s Brian Brown should be locked in a room until they decide who gets to wear Mittikins pin once and for all. Decide it with Jenga boys! You can’t be Betty and Veronica forever.
• Oh goodie! Transphobic POS “True the Vote” is based in Texas. All the f’ing live long day!
• Hastily carved apple Dan Patrick wants Greg Abbott to declare Dallas County’s new same-sex benefits unconstitutional.
• Predictably, rumors have been flying about Danny boy’s sexuality for years.
• The AggreGAYtor knows voting in Texas can feel like screaming into the dark chasm of Rush Limbaugh’s soul, but do it anyway. If you don’t cast your ballot, homophobic frat-boy furries will take over America. And there are two, count ‘em, election watching parties around town just for us acronyms. Werq the vote booth, hunny.
AGGREGAYTOR ELECTION SPECIAL: Your yankee doodle AggreGAYtor will be making political puns all night starting at 6:00. Stay tuned to the same gay channel, same Gay Place.
Copyright © 2013 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.