The AggreGAYtor: September 21

Peaches is fine all of the time

photo by peachesrocks.com

Paris Hilton runs her mouth, P!nk makes tracks, and Rick Perry keeps pace with Satan. Today’s AggreGAYtor is the anthem. Get your damn hands up!

• Iconic San Francisco LGBTQIA activist Larry Brinkin is arrested again on child pornography charges.

• Pakistani singer Veena Malik seems to be doing well in her Madonna studies.

• Prom dressed nematode Paris Hilton thinks that all gay men have AIDS.

• But she’s really sorry, you guys.

• The Family Equality Council is asking for help in documenting discriminatory school documents.

• The AggreGAYtor’s mind is swimming with the possibility of 3D in LGBTQIA-themed films. We'll poke our eyes out.

• Oops he did it again. President Obama nominates out Judge Michael McShane to the federal judiciary.

• NOM, a shadow organization composed of retired Scooby Doo villains, are writing a big check to Maine marriage equality foes.

• Malaysian education ministry is hopelessly devoted to preventing the LGBT "phenomenon."

• New study reveals that the majority of African-Americans consider homosexuality a choice.

• Kentucky Girl Scouts go to bat for booted gay Boy Scout leader. And as anyone who has ever faced the sashed cookie cartel knows, you don’t want to piss off a girl scout.

• Chick-fil-A’s pants are on fire.

• Oh and hydrogenated corpuscle Dan Cathy is still “guilty as charged.”

• George Bluth Sr. Rick Scarborough thinks that gay marriage “slaps the face of Jesus.”

• Crusading toothpaste salesman Joel Osteen admits he didn’t choose to be straight. Also…why can’t any member of the religious right pick a good tie? Seriously, it looks like he gets all his neck wear out of clown costumes from Party City.

• Denmark is revisiting decision to deport transgender refugee.

• Bryan Fischer, America’s finest merkin, wonders when us pervy, pervy, perverts will start celebrating bestiality pride. I guess he’s fishing for a Facebook invite?

• Dallas Cowboys old cowboys.com URL now hosts gay dating site. Please get all the “tight end” jokes out of your system … I’ll wait.

• Moving on, “dry look” cultist Rick Perry believes that “Satan runs across the world.” Boy, he must get tired. Hire a private plane, Satan!

• P!nk loves her “really rad gay audience.” She probably also loves our money, but lets not get too cynical.

• Mittens Romney theoretically would like his gay grandkids to be happy as long as they don’t, you know, want to have rights and stuff. Also, is he wearing brown-face on Univision? Weird.

• Tony Perkins, Zoltar’s understudy, predicts that the DADT repeal will cause a hellish apocalypse in twenty years with enormous glitter clouds darkening the sun and the heat from non-stop military circuit parties irreparably changing the earth’s weather patterns.

• Dang. Angela Lansbury still slays.

• Tig Notaro is doing great, thanks for asking.

• Before going completely bananas at the Pride Festival, take a moment to help dedicate Bettie Naylor Street. She was one of the best.

• The Austin PD is debuting their “It Gets Better’ video today at city hall.

• Break out the Bianchi and roll with Queer Ride for Pride. I’m sure they will be fine if you want to bring your Huffy too.

• We got spirit, yes we do. Pride weekend is on, betch. Gay Placers Rob and Liz and patron saint Kate X have the deets on every tête-à-tête.

• COUNTDOWN TO PRIDE: London speed it up, Austin rock it! I’m calling Pride officially started. That’s the beauty of being LGBTQIAwesome, we get to call it whenever we damn well please. Come visit the Gay Place krewe at the festival and grab some GP swag at the parade. The AggreGAYtor will be wearing his shortest shorts. And we’ll definitely be getting some teaches from Peaches.