Why Do Most Queer Flicks Suck?

I rented a movie last night and, purely for sociological reasons, braved the stereotypical walk to the queer section of I Luv Video. Don't know what it is, but I always feel cheesy. Maybe it was because I was about to pick up Eating Out without reading the back. Really, just a dart 'n' grab, perhaps due to my embarrassment at the title – only because I hadn't yet seen the content.

Five minutes into it, we debated throwing it out. It was bad. Very, very bad. Poor acting. Ridiculous plot: Boy pretends to like boys to get girl. Girl has phone sex with boy while girl's best friend (a boy) partakes in a little fellatio. And that's not even when the shit gets dumb.

Would that we turned our lezzie movie night into what could have been a very successful drinking game: One swig for every time they tried to be clever (key word here: tried) with some cliche, metaphor, or simile. Really, you'd be hammered by the second sex scene.

Maybe then it would actually be tolerable.

Memorable Lines:
* Referring to a gay man as "Blowmeo." (This one I actually might use.)
* "I couldn't be more positive if I were raped and tossed into the Dumpster at the dirty needle exchange." (Everyone loves AIDS jokes.)
* "Guys around here are like day-old doughnuts. I eat them because they're there, but I don't want to invest anything in them."
* "You know how chicks get naked in front of puppies? We're just puppies with dicks."
* "Look, let's get a Sofia Coppola things straight here. Being gay is more than listening to good music and eating low-fat foods."